The Full Hot Orator (wickedflea) wrote,
The Full Hot Orator

You ever see those women in the grocery store who . . . well, they're kinda like soccer moms, only their kids are toddlers. They push their kids through the store in their carts, and they're just very . . . public, like "LOOK, everyone, I'm mothering my ass off! I'm imparting life lessons unto my child right here in the frozen-food aisle!" They're all, "No, Taylor, we shouldn't get those Cocoa Puffs--you know they're high in sugar and low in nutritional content." Nothing wrong with that, I guess, but this certain type of woman I'm talking about, it's like they're performing for the benefit of everyone in the store. My mom first pointed out this type to me, and now I notice them all the time.

Anyway, tonight I was in Publix. I was walking through the little discount section they have right near the front of the store, and there's this lady next to me with two toddlers in her cart. Somehow I knew she was one of Them. One of her kids was flipping the fuck out, gnashing her teeth and shaking her fists like she'd been wronged by the world and she wanted revenge. And her mom said: "Oh, Sophia, I'm sorry you feel that way! But look! Look at what they have here! They have all kinds of stuff . . . they have Hamburger Helper, and . . ."

Dude. I try not to laff at people in public, especially when I don't even know them, but something about that just hit me right in the funny place. Lady's trying to comfort her kid with the sight of Hamburger Helper boxes! I guffawed right there, oh yes I did.

Hell, though--what do I know? If I had a screaming three-year-old, I'd probably be trying everything I could, too. "LOOK, Wackel! PORK RINDS! CHEAP WINE, Wackel! Please stop crying . . ."
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