So I was riding to work on some thing that was supposed to be a scooter, like maybe one o' them Segway contraptions--but it looked more like my upright vacuum cleaner, and in fact it was powered by an extension cord running all the way back to my house. Well, I was running late, and sure enough I got in amongst a bunch of kids on their way to school. They were walking all over the road, and I couldn't get through. So I was at almost a standstill when some joker pushed me in the back, I stepped off, and the goddamn vacuum scooter went flying off into the mud on the side of the road. I turned around and said to the guy behind me, "Hey, you almost pushed me into that little girl!" Dude scowled at me and said, "Oh, I did, huh?" And then I was all, "Um, well, one of you guys back there."
So then he started talking about how he liked my scooter because it was like one he used to have. Next thing I knew, he had a switchblade to my ear and was asking me if he could have the scooter. I wasn't too keen on having my ear sliced, so I told him to take the thing. I wasn't too crushed about the loss of the scooter, but I was angry that he was going to be running all over town on my electricity.
"Vacuum" is one strange and tawdry-looking word. It always takes me about three tries to spell it right.